In our quest to create for ourselves the kind of love that is deep and soul-satisfying, it is common knowledge that sex is important, but sexual activity only account for a tiny percentage of our waking time.  These hours are not lost for ways to improve the quality of love-making.  Be aware that much of the potential satisfaction that can be experienced in those precious bedroom moments is but the mountain peak that must be supported by the mountain middle.

    This mountain middle is the essential, but often mundane communications and interactions that occur during our daytime rush, while getting business done. In the way we go about our myriad of tasks, there sit potentially hundreds of tiny opportunities to show our partner our love. Ask a lover, what makes him or her feel loved, and it is likely you will hear not about grand arrangements that include a limousine ride or dozens of long-stemmed roses, but instead you will hear about thought-sized gestures that signify “You are important to me.”  It is the brief kitchen shoulder-rub when reaching for the bowl; taking her car on an errand and filling her gas tank; thanking him for completing a task that had long fallen into the taken-for-granted category.  These gestures fuel the fire and maintain, while also strengthening, an emotional connection.

    When sex becomes routine, the misguided knee-jerk reaction is to search for a new sexual techniques to spice things up. While doing so may briefly heat up a few moments, once love-making is done, the temperature cools just as quickly.  The way to get the “most bang for the buck” (no pun intended) is to make real the truism that love-making is best when the emotional connection is deepest; essentially the difference between having sex and making-love. A deep connection frees the passion.  Let your love be expressed frequently in many tiny efforts throughout the day.  This is a different, and equally important way to “make love,” which resonates deeply in the heart and echoes loudly later, when embracing in the bedroom, under the sheets.  Andrew Aaron, LICSW

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