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Andrew Aaron, LICSW
50 North Second St.
 
New Bedford, MA 02740

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Tel: 508-997-6091 x106

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Capable of helping romantic partners

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A GUIDE FOR CHOOSING A WORTHY PARTNER

Creating a Healthy, Satisfying and Long-Lasting Love Relationship
   
   Wanting to be a part of a couple can be lonely and heart-wrenching. The challenge facing single people is a steep one; to determine how to meet others, and to encounter those who meet the criteria you require of a good partner. While single, loneliness can dampen your spirits making it even harder to summon the strength and courage to put yourself in an environment where a chance meeting is likely.

  Unfortunately, it is a reality that most of the people you will come across will be a mismatch for you.  Some relationship candidates may initially be hopefuls but will soon fade into disappointing relationship false-starts. The following is a guide to facilitate your journey while single and considering a new partnership.

Quotes For Strength and Love

Unsolicited advice is received as an insult.

- Andrew Aaron

The Art of Love

 
Guidance for Singles
The Games
The Basic Questions
Being Single Can Be Good

BEING SINGLE IS AN OPPORTUNITY...treat it as one.
  
 
 1.  It may not initially console you, but while single you have an abundance of the commodity which most people in a love relationships value the most, freedom. At first glance this may seem obvious, and perhaps even the source of your discomfort, but if you choose to value this, you have the opportunity to utilize the time while you are single to a greater advantage.

2.  While single, you have the opportunity to grow in ways that you will be unable to do when you are paired up. This includes inner emotional work. It includes trying new experiences, in which your future partner may have little interest. This is a great time to explore new activities and experiences; to learn new skills. Expand your horizons, and in fact, while doing so, your chances of meeting someone new is increased.

3.  While single you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself in ways you cannot while in a relationship. If you put much effort into living a full and satisfying life while single, it will boost your chances of 1) being the kind of person another would want as a partner. 2) you will be growing stronger and be in a better position to make a good choice of future partner, and 3) you will be a satisfied and complete person, the kind others find most attractive. Remember, a happy, strong person is the most attractive kind of person.

4.   Do not force your journey while single to be a desperate and obsessed search for a new partner. It is a well-known adage that says the person you desire to meet will appear at a time you least expect. Forget about finding a partner. Instead, make the effort to find out who you are and what kind of life satisfies you the most. The more you know yourself and know your values, likes and dislikes, the greater chance that you will be able to establish a healthy relationship when the opportunity arrives.

5.   Be involved in activities from which you get the most pleasure. When you are doing what you love, you are at your best; it is then that you shine. If you are doing what you love, then the people you are likely to meet will be those who share at least one of the activities you love. These people are also likely to share some of the values you have, because they enjoying doing what you also enjoy.

6.   Being single is an opportunity to make yourself strong. Practice to learn to be strong in asserting yourself. Practice respecting the feelings and choices of others. If you are solely focused upon finding a partner, you are ignoring the relationship you need with yourself. If you feel desperate to be in a relationship, then you are likely to make the choice of a partner mostly because that person's availability and not their qualities; a recipe for choosing the wrong person resulting in a disappointing experience. If you feel desperate to be in a relationship, then you probably have a poor relationship with yourself. Work at improving that. No relationship you have will ever be healthy if you are weak, insecure or have low self-esteem. It takes two strong people to make one strong relationship.

7.    Being single is an opportunity to get your life in order without the complications another’s influence, input and demands. Straighten out those troubled areas in your life. Get stronger in the areas of your life you are less strong. Be the kind of person who posses the attributes to whom you would be attracted. It is best that you work to possess the qualities you want in your partner.

8.    Learn to love yourself and to love life. Without loving yourself, you are unable to fully love another. Being single is difficult, but being in a relationship is also very difficult. The challenges of the single life and the connected life are simply different; one is not easier than the other. A relationship will not protect you from the rigors of life. You must face life the same way whether or not you are in a relationship. So if you can live well when singly, you will have a greater ability to live well when you are attached.

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