Sex, like no other part our humanity, stirs our curiosity, fascination and repulsion. It causes controversy. Because of sex’s ability to have power over us thereby provoking anxiety and obsession, we segregate it and give it “special” status in our lives. Sex cannot truly be separate, but must instead be tightly interwoven into every aspect of our individual uniqueness, because in fact, it is not separate.
Sex is so powerful a force that many of us to have difficulty coping with it. Such as with hunger, denying it will only be successful for so long. In our society we desire to keep sex safely at arm’s length, causing it to be present in our lives in distorted and perverted forms.
Our sex parts are no less good than are our hands. When another angers us, we equate them to a sex part. Have you ever heard somebody call another in anger, "You are nothing but a hand?" Why do we choose to demean our genitals by associating them with people’s hurtful or ignorant behavior? When doing so we demean our very genesis.
Sex is the source of tremendous ambivalence. Most agree that sex generates tremendous pleasure, though not all agree that such pleasure is moral. Most agree that sex is necessary, but also hold the opinion that it is not a suitable topic for discussion or education. We miss an opportunity to obtain the completeness that sex may provide when we reject sex as unacceptable and view it with suspicion. Is sex a part of the devil’s plan to lure us into sinful temptation or is it a God-given gift that is part of a complete, good humanity? I believe we cannot achieve completeness until we accept and love all parts of ourselves.
More than just a physical activity, sex is an expression of our relationship to life. Sex is wonderful in that so much pleasure may be shared, but it is also about potentially seeking to fulfill our human incompleteness by gaining that which is missing, in the balance of our masculine and feminine qualities. Through sex and sexual energy this inner balance may be accomplished but this necessitates accepting our sexuality as a positive and healthy part of our lives. Sex and the sacred: the two must be linked.
Sexuality is so powerful a force in humanity and in our individual lives, that if befriended and combined with love can take us to the heights of spirit. If rejected, sexual energy will us shut down to our human potential. By embracing sexuality as important and positive, the possibility of completeness is much closer to our reach, an achievement which is typically attributed to spirituality. It makes sense that Nature or God would make something that feels so good be deeply important…a gateway to a deeper relationship with life.
Where is the place in our lives for sex? Nature or God intended to make sex of primary importance, in part because of the survival of our species is a priority, but also because sexuality is a route to grasp the sacred and heighten the potential of our lives . Andrew Aaron, LICSW, AASECT is a love relationship and sex therapist at helpforpassion.com who practices in the New Bedford Seaport.