Andrew Aaron, LICSW
50 North Second St.
New Bedford, MA 02740
Tel: 508-997-6091 x106
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Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
Passionate lovers know that love-making can be noisy business. Vocalizing our pleasure during sex is an essential part of love-making for many reasons. Despite the reality that the oooh’s and aaaah’s of sex form the basis for many jokes, the following explores why these sounds of love are so vital.
For sex to be good, partners must be relaxed. To get deep relaxed, proper breathing is necessary. This is demonstrated in various spiritual disciplines such as yoga where deep breathing is encouraged to obtain deeply relaxed meditative states. Deep breathing in sex also aids partners, if relaxed, in being more conscious of their body-sensations. Expressing pleasure in sounds also magnifies the pleasure, making a sexual experience fuller. Vocalizing pleasure forces a partner to breathe more deeply. In order to sing well, professional singers are trained to breathe deeply. Lovers, too, must breathe deeply to sing well the songs of pleasure and love. Sexual songs help lovers to lose him or herself in that delicious sexual trance that is potential only in good sex. Being self-conscious is uncomfortable. When we are having fun, we have forgotten about ourselves…this is true of good sex as well.
Sexual pleasure and arousal are dependent upon awakened energy in the body, evidenced by the heat of our aroused body parts once love-making begins. If the sexual energy is confined to our sex-parts, our excitement and pleasure will be limited. Expressing the excitement and pleasure in sounds, with accompanied deep breathing, sexual energy is drawn from limited physical locations, with now opened gates, to flow all around our bodies, with the effect of producing a larger, full-bodied arousal instead of a pelvic-only excitement.
Expressing our pleasure in sound is a form of communication which allows an exchange of very important sexual information between partners. A partner learns from the other’s sounds about the effectiveness of his or her pleasuring efforts and provides indirect instructions about what works and what doesn’t. Listening carefully to our partner’s song guides us in our creative endeavor to drive him or her crazy in ever-new and successful ways.
Lovers influence each other in an ever deepening spiral of excitement. As love-making builds in intensity, the song lovers sing contributes to the deepening of the passion. As one partner voices pleasure, the other grows more excited in response to the partner’s sexy sounds, which if well-expressed, then turns-on the first partner even more, in a deepening cyclical pattern. By being generous with the expression of pleasure, we offer our excitement as a gift to our lover.
Nothing comes without a cost and singing the song of pleasure too has costs. Lovers know all too well, that expressing oneself vocally risks privacy; something that a sound-screen of music may preserve. Our song is as unique as we are; thus expressing it shares our deeper self with our lover. For some this feels too vulnerable and therefore revealing. Overcoming such a fear is an opportunity for growth. Lovers who withhold their song, and who are also holding their breath, miss out. Silent lovers dampen their own pleasure while failing to fully relax; this robs the other of the pleasure of shared excitement and feelings of satisfaction that come from being a good lover. Not much turns a lover on more than a partner’s excitement. The sounds of love create a non-verbal conversation of love which offers the excitement of openness and intense, shared sexual pleasure. This article was first published in SoCo Magazine as part of the column, "Under The Sheets."
"this is just great stuff"
on The Place of Sex in Our Lives
"Wow... really puts it into perspective!"
by Joe Andrade
on The Place of Sex in Our Lives