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Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying

Posted by: Andrew Aaron on 11/13/2009

 Published: New York Times December 17, 2006 (Added to by Andrew Aaron, LICSW, AASECT)

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1)  Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2)  Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4)  Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5)  Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6)  Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7)   Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9)  Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10)  Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11)  Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12)  What does my family do that annoys you?

13)  Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14)  If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15)  Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

16)  How good are you at making changes and adjusting to change?

17)  Who will do the finances?

18)  Are you neat or sloppy?

19)  What is your style of parenting? How was parenting handling in your family of origin?

20)  What makes you feel loved?

21)  What is your style of resolving differences?

22)  If we cannot resolve a problem, are you willing to go to counseling?

23)  How important is sex to you?

24)  How much closeness satisfies you? 0 to 10…What does 0 mean ? What does 10 mean?

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